Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
