I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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