so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
