i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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