bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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