Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
