The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
