im six kinds of drunk right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
