just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
