it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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