apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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