nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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