just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The power of my boobs compel you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
