theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
