Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
