They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
