i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
