What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
