im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
