Im at strip club and am horny
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
