I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
