Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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