My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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