Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
