my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
