I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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