oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
