I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
