Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
