I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
