i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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