If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the liver wants what the liver wants
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
