rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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