can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
