ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have fence marks all over my body
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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