so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
