dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
