her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
