He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
