At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
