I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
