I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
