she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
