I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
