I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
