Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize