you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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