All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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