from now on my penis is your penis
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
