When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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