I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
