I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
