Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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