Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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