Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
