Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
