If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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