im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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