This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
