question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
