I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize