But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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