This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
