His pubic hair was longer than his dick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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