So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
