You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
