i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
