matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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