My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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