never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Randomize
