Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
a search helicopter?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
