my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
