My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize