I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
