Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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