She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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