made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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