i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
