You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
