you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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