Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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