You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
